College Day 183 – Behind The Scenes

(March 18, Friday)

I was homeward bound at 4:30pm when the shuttle driver would pick me up. In a shuttle full of students and somewhat silent laughter, the old driver had told us his story. “These people I work with are stupid in the head. God gave a rock more intelligence.”

Being the first dropped off, I headed for the security check, which was oddly placed because I was riding with a new airlines. As they checked my baggage, one security man asked if he could open my carry-on since they spotted a large liquid. I didn’t think twice about what I could’ve packed. He pulled out my shampoo bottle that I thought I had needed. Immediately I realized how stupid that was. Yes, I threw it away because there was no other possibility of me saving it.

While I waited for my flight I was sitting near a young couple. They both had unenthused and emotionless faces. My first impression of the tattooed guy was that he was stoned. The girl was playing on her DS or whatever. After some time I realized there was more to this relationship than their tattoos, and my preconceived notions about his life. He was trying to communicate something to her. He had something to say. I could see disappointment and a struggle for words as he stared at the girl and her full connection with the game.

They began arguing quietly about something and by the tone I could only conclude that it was one sided. She wouldn’t give in. She eventually left somewhere (presumably the restroom) and he picked up her gaming device and put it in his backpack. At this point I distracted myself with my phone. She was still gone and I looked up to find the guy with his head resting on his hand resting on his knee. He was silently crying. There was no motion in his entire body except the tears running down his cheek. The girl returned and for some time made no contact or expressed no concern as if nothing happened.

It was not my place to judge, but I subconsciously related their situation as a symbol of what I previously experienced with my attempt at a relationship. This includes: the guy’s (my) attempt at trying to communicate with the girl while trying to find the right words to say, the girl’s focus in what interests her and gives her a pleasing life while missing the guy’s (my) intentions, and the behind the scenes. The behind the scenes includes that which the girl is not aware of. When she was away, he (I) was an emotional wreck, trying to figure out what to do by making every moment right. The reality is, when she is present nothing has changed but his (my) inner emotions and reactions to each situation. However, in the midst of all the indirect rejection and denial, he (I) remains close to her regardless of the unfortunate consequences that the honorable intentions created.

I call it behind the scenes because the girl I was affiliated with had related her real life expectations with a TV show. Plausible or not, it was not altogether realistic. With that in mind, I am inclined to say that the behind the scenes of life is the most important part that we often overlook. In my and her case, she has yet to be informed of the behind the scenes of everything that occurred before my own relationship expectations fell apart into an unbearable reality.


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