(February 24, Wednesday)
It happened: the conversation. However, before I give details I want to share my day before then.
I began the day with my math class and then headed over to the writing group, which is every Wednesday at 11:15. To say the least, it was a small yet quite observant group of individuals who made the atmosphere easier to think critically about poetry. I didn’t talk until after the meeting was over and I was told by the leader, another professor, that I could share my poetry anonymously and have it get reviewed/critiqued. I am actually very happy for that.
After that, I grabbed some lunch and decided to go to my friend’s room to see if there would be a possibility to have my conversation alone with the one I am interested in (the girl rooms with my good high school friend). We ended up watching a couple TV show episodes and then my friend went to take a nap. I knew at that moment that it was my opportunity to talk since we were then alone. However, their suite-mate was in the other room with the door slightly open and I got uneasy. We played a couple games of “banana grams” and then she said she was going to go to her tutoring for math help. I couldn’t bring myself to starting the conversation because the situation didn’t feel right.
The three of us went to eat lunch together and then she was going to go to her dance class right after. At that moment, I realized my only opportunity would either be tonight or tomorrow since her parents would come on Friday and they would be gone together. As the night rolled in, her roommates had babysitting/housesitting and whatnot. I thought I wouldn’t be able to talk to her tonight because she would be tired and want to sleep right after arriving.
I was hanging out with my roommate and his girlfriend in the meantime as we sat in the grove during the “java jam” event or whatever it was called. Out of nowhere, I suddenly realized that she would be done at 8:15pm and arrive before her roommates. It was perfect! They told me to text her to see when she would be back. She said she doesn’t want to hang out because she’s exhausted and will go to bed early. I responded by asking if we could just talk for a few minutes, and she said yes but I only get 6 minutes. I rushed to her room and my heart was beating faster and harder than I have ever felt before in this kind of situation.
The conversation: “Since we’re friends, I don’t want to scare you off, but I think it’s important in all relationships to be open and honest. I like you. I like you as a friend and I like you as more than a friend. I know that you’re not dating until March and maybe not at all this year and I respect that. I also want you to know that I’m not just hanging around, biding my time until then. We’re friends and I really enjoy spending time with you without any higher expectations. That being said, I just want you to know that I see real potential for something more. If you’re interested, great. If not, we don’t have to make things awkward – just say so and we’ll still go forward as friends. I just don’t want to miss out on something great with you because I didn’t speak up and tell you.”
She began by saying that she was impressed and that I was not subtle at all. She knew that I was interested in her before Christmas break when I woke up early to help her and say goodbye. Also, she said she has a rule: “No dating within the friend group.” Since we have a group of others that are our friends, this would apply to those who are single, in this case, me. She mentioned how in high school she was never really good with interacting with boys in the sense that she came across as flirtatious and needed attention. She talked about how she has an arrogant type of personality that she doesn’t show around us since we are friends. Because of this, she “needs” the right someone to be able to take control by telling her to “shut up.” She doesn’t want to come off as overpowering–I suggested for her lack of a better word–towards me because of that aspect. Lastly, the thing that caught my attention the most was when she said, “we’re not compatible… we don’t have anything to talk about.”
On that note, I won’t share my thoughts on her responses, but we concluded with agreeing that it was a good thing I had the conversation with her because it helps me to gain more confidence and that we can still go forward as friends.