College Day 71 – Painful Silence

(October 27, Tuesday)

Today’s intriguing thought:

It wasn’t really much of a thought. I was sitting in my sociology class listening to the boring lecture and I received a notification on my phone that my mother emailed me. Again, it was regarding relationships and what we talked about.

She told me that what she had to say was not forced on me, which hit me like a rock.

Her exact words in part of the email: “I love you too much to not say anything. Yes, you could do whatever you like and find out perhaps the hard way and learn from it. I regret that my parents never advised me in this area like I have with you boys. I went through much grief and hard times because of it. God knows all and perhaps it was just to be able to help my boys and others.”

After reading this line I couldn’t focus on the lecture. For the entire rest of the day my head was throbbing and I couldn’t get my mind off of the situation. I couldn’t even speak to anyone nor come up with an answer that satisfied me.

I appreciated the fact that she would let me be independent in my choices, but I struggle with finding the answers on my own. Like I said before, I am stuck between my mother’s words and the expectations of our society today. It hurt my head too much to know what to think or believe.

Part of me wants to do what I want to do, and the other half of me knows that I learn better from listening to others. I just can’t find where I stand…

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