College Day 60 – Who I am

(October 16, Friday)

Today’s intriguing thought:

I had tried to begin writing my first essay. Around 10pm I could not handle all the thoughts in my mind as I sat in my dorm room with my roommates, my friends, the laughter, the talk, the carelessness. So, I immediately left my room without a word and went onto the turf field yet again.

It was an hour before my roommate walked by, noticed me, and came to chat with me and see what’s up. I told him I needed fresh air and then told him my thoughts.

I was fighting my thoughts, they could not go away. I felt as if there was something about myself that people did not like. Whether it was the way I acted or by the things I said. I had promised myself that I would change in college and be the enthusiastic person that I always wanted to be. I just often come off as weird and sometimes funny. However, I do not feel satisfied with it. I figured it was just dependent on the social situation I was in, who I was interacting with, their age, their maturity, their knowledge/wisdom.

He talked to me for an hour about how it is a learning experience and that I should be comfortable with who I am. As I gave specific scenarios of my discomfort, he explained that often times my maturity exceeds a situation and it can’t be helped on my part. It’s not that I necessarily need to change, it is those who I interact with. Of course I do not want to come off forcefully, “Hey, I need you to change for me because this sort of behavior is ridiculous.” No.

I would just like to personally thank him for somehow always being there to give me a good ol’ chat. He helps me cope with my thoughts and come to conclusions that help me think positively during the next day. I cannot describe how grateful I am for this type of friendship. We literally have the same shoes as it were, the same past. We can relate. Although everyone is different in their own way, there are those select few who we can (hopefully) talk to about our outrageous struggles in life. I cannot imagine where I would be right now if I did not have another person to speak to my thoughts.


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